Falling..Fadding..Losing strength...

I hate the fact this is the thought that i deal with every day, i feel myself becoming weaker. just wanting to ask if hes okay, if hes still handling things the way he is... to say i miss him... that ill always love him.

i miss the way we cuddled, the way we just laid there and talked, the times everything was peaceful and
happy.
                                   
I gave everything, wanted him in everything told him everything. thats what makes this so hard. the way that my life...was his. my drama my friends he knew all. i gave that boy my world...

he met my family, first guy to meet them. and they loved him. they told me how they thought we'd be together forever. in this picture we were having issues... this was our hard times, yet here, we were so happy :/

WHY DID I FALL IN LOVE IF WE CLEARLY WE WEREN'T MENT TO BE?
love never fades... then why do we do this to ourselfs? why did i finally give up... why did i push him away when clearly hes all thats on my mind :/ 
"This is the hardest part
when you feel like you're fading
All that you have has become unreal
collapsing, and aching
All I want, all I want was right here
but love don't live here anymore"

Oh how i love quotes..

"Stand for something or fall for anything"
what a load of crap, i recently did, i stood up to the guy i was in love with and lost him. yeah i believe it was for the best, but i did love him. i then lost my bestfriend, i couldnt take her crap anymore. and where did all this lead me? ALONE. lucky me. dating that guy i couldnt have many friends, and if i did have friends they had to be girls. and the only one who stuck around with me hanging out hardly was that friend. so now i spend my days watching movies doing anything to stay away from my phone so it doesnt have to sink in how lonely i truly am... stand for something or fall for anything, pustt stand for someting and lose everything.. wish i knew that one..

"The best of us find happiness in misery"
I love that quote. but honestly.. this time, do i believe it? not at all... sure im happy i found those people that are there for me. will listen to me go on about this joyful life i have, but in order to truly have happiness in misery is to have alot of people there for you, alot of people that want to hangout with you and be there for you. i dont have that. and the best way of all the be happy, having a boy there. someone to get to know, to talk to. someone you know you can rely on. someone to flirt with and someone whos such a sweetie he puts a smile on your face. do i get that? no im not lucky enough to have that. so for now.. my happiness is thinking about what was suppose to be with the guy i loved. my happiness is thinking of the new guy to come. my happiness is occasionally going out with someone whos, well, not all there.

"everything happens for a reason"
I use to love the life i had. I use to have amazing friends. I use to always find some new guy to fill the void until my next hottie came along... did i push my luck, did i put this upon myself.. sure im not the best person out there, ive made plenty of mistakes, ive pushed great people away, but what did i do so wrong to deserve this.. i cant even be alone with my thoughts without blamming myself for everything thats gone wrong. But deep down i know its not my fault.. it cant be.. or maybe i did cause all this..